The first thing I’d like to thank the Academy for is…..
Absolutely nothing. Sellouts.
Maybe that’s a little harsh. There was a bit I could get behind there, but for the most part, this just made me angry. So that’s where we get the unofficial title for this year’s Academy awards – Wuh Oh! As in “Wuh-oh! They actually were serious when they said they were gonna give Bohemian Rhapsody awards!”
Now I’m sure there are a million articles already out there, and most are much more prominent and reputable than my lowly opinion, but ah what the hell. Let’s count em down.
The Ones No One Really Cares About
Sound Mixing: Bohemian Rhapsody
Sound Editing: Bohemian Rhapsody
Makeup and Hairstyling: Vice
Production Design: Black Panther
Documentary Short: Period. End of Sentence.
Sorry. I’m sorry. But 99.8% of people don’t care about these. I apologize to the 0.2% that is growling right now, but eh. I don’t think a lot of people are out there wringing their hands, desperately waiting to see who had the best sound mixing.
The Ones Most People Just Pretend To Care About
Costume Design: Black Panther
Documentary Feature: Free Solo
Live Action Short: Skin
Animated Short: Bao
Foreign Language Film: Roma
Original Score: Black Panther
Yeahhhhh, there’s not much to add here. Yup, Black Panther had cool costumes. But I think I’m one of about four people who after watching said: “Golly gee, I need to go watch Free Solo ASAP.”
The Ones Only The Movie People Care About
FINALLY! YOU GOT SOMETHING RIGHT! YES! GOOD! PRETTY PICTURES MAKE EVAN HAPPY!
Best Director: Alfonso Cuaron
YES HELL YES
Original Screenplay: Green Book
I strongly disagree (see Best Picture)
Adapted Screenplay: BlacKkKlansman
MMMMMMMM I CAN GET BEHIND THIS ONE
Animated Feature: Spiderman: Into the Spider-verse
Okay, now I know a lotta people think animation = little kids, but this is actually good. Like, go watch it. Now.
Visual Effects: First Man
The Ones People Actually Care About
Best Picture: Green Book
Alright, so here’s my big no no. I don’t like this. Not one bit. The classic tale of “old racist makes friends with black guy and isn’t a racist anymore, yay” has gone on way too long. This isn’t a good representation of racism in the modern world, not is it a representative of modern film. But hey, at least it isn’t Bohemian Rhapsody.
Actor: Rami Malek (Bohemian Rhapsody)
The only award that I’m okay with this movie getting. The sound stuff should have gone to A Star Is Born but the point is that this movie adulterated the vast majority of the information. Sure, it’s entertaining, and hell, Rami did a magnificent job, but you’re taking a biopic and making it inaccurate. Bad Hollywood. Bad.
Actress: Olivia Colman (The Favourite)
*claps in British*
Supporting Actor: Mahershala Ali (Green Book)
Racist stereotypes of racists aside, Green Book told a very interesting story and Mahershala did an amazing job. As always. I can’t get enough of this man.
Supporting Actress: Regina King (If Beale Street Could Talk)
Hell yes. If Rachel Weisz got this, I wouldn’t complain, but YAASSS REGINA!
Best Song: “Shallow” (Star Is Born)
Who hasn’t heard this on your Spotify/iTunes/radio?
So the 2019 Oscars have gone through and I’m disappointed, but hey, hopefully I’m right next year! Regardless, this was another year of outstanding film and the future of cinema has never been brighter.